The horror! The horror!

I’m not into horror movies. Monsters, exorcisms, eyeless children crawling in an empty house are not my cup of tea. I’m not a fan of situations that appear normal, but you know, you feel it: they are not normal.

Night-time. Pitch dark. She is walking – alone, obviously – in a park. Steps getting closer. She turns around. There he is: our serial killer, with 3 arms, genetic experiment created by the very disturbed mind of a mad scientist, a survivor of only-god-knows what atomic war. Wouldn’t you like to slap her in her face? What on Earth is she doing in a park at this ungodly hour? Couldn’t she take a tram home? You know what I mean.

The worst fears of mine, though, involve empty corridors and security cameras. I’m sitting there, in front of the screen, and I know, I feel it: in a split second, something terrifying will happen along those grey walls. In one of those restrooms, which are only apparently void. Lights are flickering. Cameras start to imperceptibly move. The horror will happen.
A man, dressed as though ready for the jungle, holding a net, comes running down one of these corridors. He’s trying to catch a butterfly and, after some attempts, he actually kills the insect and then proceeds to resuscitate it. The chase begins again. Very Beckettian. I whisper to myself: “The horror, the horror”, a novel Kurtz, in the very heart of darkness.

You must wonder what I’m talking about. I’m describing what gets broadcast, every night, from 10pm to 6 am on the Danish TV channel ULTRA DK. Udsendelsesophør, or broadcast termination. The first times I watched this show, I thought I had switched onto a horror movie. Then, new characters started to appear on the screen and I got glued to the show. In a very morbid fashion. Some of them are shown in a public restroom while they – …. – free their guts. Men and women, indiscriminately. Another episode features a shirt-less guy, admiring his muscles on the mirrors in the very same toilet where another character gives himself an electric shock by plugging a very dodgy-looking shaver. Someone even tries to resuscitate him.

You don’t believe me, do you? Watch these videos:  DR ULTRA – Video 1.

Although this is pure horror, I cannot stop watching this freaky show. My reaction is inexplicable to me, but it resembles the one I have with sleeping monsters (link). I have no idea what they are discussing, because after many years of travels to Denmark, the only word I can say is – sadly – still only tak. I doubt they are talking about Kierkegaard or political philosophy, and I don’t really care either. My mind is tense and I know it, I feel it: the girl from the “Exorcist” will appear at any minute on the screen. I will then start screaming: “The horror, the horror”.